Driving late at night, I often listen to my local quiet storm radio station, hoping the perfect Luther Vandross will be on to guide me home in sonic safety. Unfortunately, while R&B’s soul runs deep, the themes run thin. Sometimes when I hear a new song of the “when I say goodbye, it doesn’t mean my Love has run out” variety — I say to myself, “I think Google could have done better.”

So I’m putting the challenge out there. Can the most powerful information company in the world create an R&B song? Can the engineers in Mountain View algorithmically dim the lights, pour the wine, and make our hearts slow down a beat? I know you can map the world and index every document, but can you make a song so that next time I come home late, I can quote it and get “to bed” and not just “in” bed?

Posted: October 2nd, 2010 under 2.0, culture.
Comments: none

Have ever used Foursquare, and felt like it just didn’t have enough bite? Then what you probably need is Foursquare Urban. Urban street cred comes at a price, but keeping track of it can be time-consuming.  Did J.Q. pop Rockstar Eddy? How much time did Lil’ creeker do inside for ripping off that liquor store? When’s the last time you got pulled over by the local authorities? If Foursquare can help you remember how many coffees you drank, why not get a badge for first building tagged this month (and when I say “tagged,” I don’t mean virtually). Foursquare Urban opens up all the activities you do anyway (peeing in an alley, vomiting outside, running a red light) except now you get points and all your friends know you’re a bad-ass.

Posted: August 20th, 2010 under 2.0, culture.
Comments: none

So in case you haven’t noticed, blogs are so 2007 (I mean, I can’t even believe you’re reading this, are you in a cave?) These days all the cool kids twitter. But even cool kids run out of things to say, and when all else fails, most people talk about what they had for Lunch. In fact, the latest round of Forrester Research tweets contained more references to tuna sandwiches than experience strategies and knowledge management combined. So if your twitter stream is bit heavy on the mayo, and you’re more interested in meat that’s not between two slices of bread, what you need is Peckish.

With Peckish you can auto-magically filter out all food-eating references in your twitter stream. Twinkees, gone. Mr. Pibb, gone. matzah-brei, gone. Decide your twitter appetite and put your tweet intake on a diet.

Posted: November 30th, 2008 under 2.0, control.
Comments: none

Ever watched Sports Center and realized that you never got your 15 minutes of fame?  Then this might be the show for you. Here’s my pitch: ESPN starts a televised call-in show for regular folk to complain about sports injuries. It would be like Car Talk but instead of talking about your crap car, you get to talk about your crap knee.

I’d either host it with two witty and obnoxious orthopaedic surgeons . . .

Injured Caller: "My knee makes this funny popping noise every time I run."

Surgeon Host 1: "Can you describe the popping noise, is like a Rice Crispies
in milk, or opening a bottle of Cristal?"

Surgeon Host 2: "I had some Cristal last night, fantastic. I'll have to make
up a few injuries in the office to pay for it, but it's so worth it."

Or for a completely different chemistry, imagine a Western doctor and an Eastern healer . . .

Western Host: "I've got some bad news for you; I think you're suffering from
degenerative joint disease. You see, the largest weight-bearing joints in the
body are prone to ..."

Eastern Host: "Oh, no, no, no ... degenerative joint disease is when you get
skipped over for your turn to toke because your friends are too high to notice.
What you're suffering from is a disruption in your radiant energy-pattern
probably a blockage in your lower meridian"

Next time you’re watching ESPN with ice packs on your knees, who you gonna call?

Posted: November 29th, 2008 under culture, T.V..
Comments: none

Here’s a simple million-dollar idea: A mail program plugin that alerts you when you forget an email attachment:

Warning: Your email message contained the word “attached”, however, there was no attachment on your message.

That is all. Simple and sweet… someone, make it for us, pretty please?

Posted: November 10th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: none

Patenting ideas isn’t rocket science, take an idea that everyone already knows about, describe it in just a slightly different way (add a bunch of lawyers) and then turn around and sue everybody else for trying to do the same thing.

But what if that sounds like too much trouble…I mean stealing should be easy right. Well now it is! Because with the EZ Steal Eavesdrop machine all you need to do is be around people that are smarter than you but not smart enough to keep their big mouth shut.  So go ahead and become a Silicon Valley big shot or at least eavesdrop on one.

Posted: September 27th, 2008 under gear.
Comments: 1

I really can’t tell whose rich anymore. The Beverly Hillbillies knew that if you looked poor at least live in a fancy house. But take for example Northern California: everything is expensive but do you really know who has money? That kid on the bike could be a Google heir. About those Yahoo punks over there. San Francisco used to have a lot of blue hair old ladies who walked tiny dogs on Nob Hill, now the telltale signs are gone.

What do you do when you don’t have it in you to look like money? The next best thing is smell like money.

Sure some people like that fresh pine forest smell or the ocean in the distance but there’s a magic odor every time somebody opens up their wallet and the cupboard isn’t bare.

Cash aromatherapy gives your overpriced crappy apartment that fresh from mint Tony Montana cash on the table smell that lets people know you reak of the green stuff and you can still dress like a slob. Now available in pump spray, hanging air freshener (with string) or essential oil.

Posted: September 21st, 2008 under culture, money.
Comments: none

I’m a sucker for sports drinks, sure you can just drink water but when thirstbuster tells me I’m going to feel refreshed, I believe them. But being close to 40, sports isn’t what it used to be and while energy and hydration are only a drink a way, I still need pop a few motrin after every workout. No longer, Motrin-aid combines two great feelings, relief from pain and the quenching rush of red number 5.

Posted: June 5th, 2008 under convenience, pain killers, sports.
Comments: 1

Imagine a hard day at work is done, the fridge is full of beer, and you have a commitment free night ready for the taking … too bad all you have from Netflix are art films and documentaries. It seemed like a good idea at the time, a documentary about documentaries. If only you knew what your mood would be by the time the movies actually got to your doorstep.

Well, now you can. Part psychotherapy, part online scheduling, part new age luck, the Netflix mood ring actually predicts what your mood will be before and after watching movies in your queue. Adam Sandler movies have a right time and a right place – but only if you plan ahead.

Posted: May 15th, 2008 under 2.0, control, futureNow.
Comments: 2

My friend David (to protect his identity, let’s just call him David Beck) doesn’t seem to feel satisfied by a Snickers bar. So he usually chases it down it with a Coke and handful or so of Sugar Babies. Which is all fine and good – but why the extra step? When I want soda I don’t want to wait to put down the candy and lift up a whole other can – I want it now!  And when there’s a will . . . imagine edible candy tubes inside your favorite bar, keeping your soda fresh, effervescent, and ready for that cola Niagara rush, where sugary fluids navigate the cheapest chocolate, caramel and nougat in a simple return to Eden.

Posted: April 16th, 2008 under control, food.
Comments: none